week two of work auccessful. its good to be back to being active, to have a more defined sense of purpose and pride in the work i do. the girls on my trail team absolutely adored me by day two, i rarely passed them by in camp without being caught in at least one hug. they were good kids. a little distracted and chatty, but not in a disrespectful, defiant way. it was more of a overwhelmed-by-new-experiences thing, they just couldnt stop taking it all in and trying to take it in all at once.
   we have a very promising staff this year, they all seem to be dedicated to the kids and mature enough to separate socializing and personal lives from the job they were hired to perform. i'd estimate that about 60-70% of the staff is in their mid twenties or older. only two or three are under 21, and there isn't a single one who is only on their first year of legal adulthood. I see this is a plus, because young blood tends to run hotter, especially in the early months of working at camp. Older staff members and those who've returned to work season after season are less likely to cause problems, simply because they've already gotten over it, the drama is uninteresting and petty, and all they want to do is be left to their own devices so they can do their job as best they can.. this is an ability they've gained by getting over the hang-ups of the typical, newly-hired, hormone=driven, recent high school graduates that see their work with kids as something they do when they're not socializing or flirting with their "friends", instead of a responsibility to ensure the safety and happiness of the excited, eager-to-please children in their care and the care of their co-workers.

like i said, all very promising. AKC designated as the official location for the wedding. excitement....

 

.::My Life::.

.::Basics::.
Full Name:: Valerie Lorraine Menchaca
Nicknames:: Valray, Valeramalie, Bug,
Gender:: F
Orientation:: Bisexual
Age:: 22
Age you wish you were:: 22
Birthdate:: may
Zodiac Sign:: taurus
Height:: 5 5
Shoe size:: 8?
Eye color:: Brown
Hair color:: Brown
How long is your hair:: spikable-short
Who do u live with:: my fiancee and his parents
Location:: the mountains
Piercing:: two in each ear lobe
Tattoos:: one, dragonfly, right shoulder blade
Hobbies:: photography, writing, reading, hiking, crafts
Grade:: out of shcool
Wear contacts or glasses:: contacts
Braces or retainer:: nope
.::Are you a...::.
Class clown:: nah
Goth:: nope
Metal-head:: no
Rocker:: maybe a little
Gansta:: hell no
Prep:: ugh
Idiot:: no way
Freak:: and proud of it!
Nerd:: yeah kind of
Bookworm:: since the day i was born
Dork:: i can be
Smoker:: yessir
Pot-head:: nope
Alcoholic:: nah
.::Do You..::.
Sleep with stuff animals: no but i have a few
Take walks in the rain:: love it!
Talk to people who you hate:: not anymore
Read the newspaper:: quite often
Do drugs:: live fast, die fun
Smoke:: yup
Pray:: when i feel like it
.::Friends::.
Nicest:: Graecia
Funniest:: Steph when shes sleep deprived
Tallest:: steph?
Shortest:: lina?
Prettiest:: my opinion is well known
Punkiest:: i dunno... randy?
Newest:: lina
Shyest:: i dont have shy friends
Sweetest:: umm i dunno
Closest:: steph
Weirdest:: steph... my sister.. randy
Smartest:: randy/allison
Craziest:: sammie? steph?
Loudest:: steph
Quietest:: sarah?
Dumbest:: how mean
Happiest:: um.... i dunno randy?
Most hyper:: randy? sammie sometimes...
Hottest::
Skinniest:: allison
Best friend:: steph
Most outgoing:: lina?
Most talented:: randy...allison...sammie
Most athletic::
Best singer:: no idea
To become a cop:: lol no one
To become famous:: sammie the famous horse whisperer
Kill someone:: given the right situation... me and steph
Best guy friend:: john...and my brother
Best girl friends:: Al, Ness, GIR, Goose
Known the longest:: AL
Known the shortest:: lina
Last person you talked to online:: steph i used to
Who u talks too most online:: huh
On the phone with most:: steph
Trust most:: hmmm
Who listens to your problems?: all of them lol
Second family:: dont have one
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in:: randy
Always has a bf/gf:: john lol
Who knows the most about you?: GIR
Which 5 people do u care about the most::
.::Last Person::.
Person you hugged:: Randy
Person you kissed:: Randy
Thing you said: "Okay"
Thing you ate: egg rolls
you called:: um.... steph?
called you:: fokis
person you saw:: randy justin aimee john
.::Favorites::.
movie:: i heart huckabees... Eternal Sunshine...
singer:: Billy!!
band:: SP & Bad Religion
song:: ugh cant pick just one
music video:: dont have one... though the sp ones are cool
web site:: meh
magazine:: umm Brain Floss
sport:: meh
room in your house:: bedroom lol
subject in school:: english
teacher:: Mr.Stanhope
word:: circumlocution
month:: uhhhh
season:: thats a tough one... depends on where i am
day of week:: thursday... almost the weekend
time of day:: early morning?
holiday:: bleh
color:: green, black, red
number:: zero
animal:: penguin! siberian tiger
city:: hm... dont have one
food:: seafood/shrimp/italian
ice cream flavor:: meh
Girl Perfume::
Guy Perfume::
Car:: mine... poor car
candy:: SOUR
fruit:: nectarine... pineapple... mango...
cereal:: meh
store:: uhhh borders? either that or michaels
girl's name:: Bela... or Demi
guy's name:: Riley?
body part:: eyes
.::Love, Life, Etc...::.
single:: nope
like anyone:: the one im going to marry
who:: randy
What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?:: eyes/how they carry themselves
Do you want to get married?:: i will be soon
do u want kids?:: someday...
Have you ever been in love?:: many a time
Have you ever cheated?:: ...
what do u want in a relationship?:: honesty, loyalty, leisure
first kiss:: 2000... at my first HS dance
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them?:: uh duh
is it right to flirt if you're taken?:: depends
.::Have you Ever::.
been hurt emotionally:: duh
gone skinny dipping:: yup once
Danced when there wasn't any music?:: all the time lol
Broken/fractured a bone?:: nope
Skipped school?:: college
Cried during a movie?:: lol Wall-e was so sad
Been onstage?:: many many times i love it
Cut your own hair?:: haha yup it came out ok
made out:: duh
cried yourself to sleep:: not in a very long time
said I love you:: NEVER
.::This or That::.
Music/TV:: ummm depends on my mood
Rock/Rap:: rock, no rap crap
Black/White:: black WITH white lol
Winter/Summer:: mountain winter, beach summer?
Fall/Spring:: spring
Night/Day:: NIGHT
Funny Movies/Scary Movies: funny
Sun/Rain:: i love rain
Cats/Dogs:: dogs
bracelet or necklace:: both
gold/silver:: silver
sun/moon:: moon
Love or Lust?:: love
Hugs or Kisses?:: kisses
.::Countdown::.
6 Things you hate...
1:: Fake shallow people
2:: Liars
3:: COMMERCIALS ON TV
4:: today's "role models" for kids
5:: abusive people
6:: blissfully ignorant people
5 things you love...
1:: long-time friends
2:: whirlwind romance
3:: honest, open people
4:: loyalty
5:: things that stand the test of time
4 things you take to a desserted island...
1:: steph and randy
2:: writing material
3:: a hammock lol why leave
4:: monkies!!
3 of your favorites stores...
1:: Borders
2:: Michaels
3:: ummm anything related
2 things you're wearing right now
1:: black blouse
2:: capris
1 person you miss right now...
1:: the one i always miss

Fill out this survey yourself
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Brought to you by Bzoink

before we met
once upon a time
      hopelessness was almost yours
      the last straw, almost mine

our first escape
was all we needed
     under a blanket of stars
     our new life was greeted

i love you more
than fate expected
      you validate anything
      i might have regretted

we are two parts
of one forever
      all good things may come to an end,
       but we have something better

~*~  Jan 12, 2008

****************************************

im bored and i have nothing else to do so i'm typing up things i've written down on paper previously. the other day randy and i were at our friend and co-worker john's house, and i couldn't find anything to write about so i just started making this list of every person's first and last names i could think of... so why the fuck not. here it is, plus i guess ill throw in some commentary. ill try to put them in historical order, which technically means family comes first.

     Leticia Menchaca: my mom, fourty-something, can be imposing at times. a rough past with her still hasn't been settled in my mind. though she ends every phone call with those three words, i haven't been able to say them back for years.
    Rogelio Simon Menchaca: My dad, closing in on 50 i think, i have more respect for him than i do my mom, intelligence and an independent mind have a lot to do with it. i get a lot of my involvement with reading and writing from him
    Samantha Lizette Menchaca: My sister, younger by 3-4 years, depending on what month it is. we were mortal enemies in our youngest days, and it wasn't until i left for college that we really started to appreciate each other... she's an inspiration to me, brilliant and twice as wise as i was when i was her age. we share a lot of the same thinking patterns.
     Evangelina Alvarez: my grandmother on my mom's side, she's lived with us since before I started school. when we were very young my sister and i would enjoy driving her up the wall anyway we could, now she's really feeling her old age and i think its made her more concerned about my life than she'd ever seemed to be before. sadly, i dont have too much of an attatchment to her, but I try to remember to include her when i visit.
     Oscar Robledo, Sr: My godfather, or nino as I call him. He was my dad's best friend growing up, and ended up marrying my mom's best friend growing up. I care about them a lot, and I feel like I'm closer to them than my parents sometimes. They've never judged me, just been there for me whenever I re-emerged from whatever fucked-up situation had swallowed me at the time.
     Ana Robledo: My godmother, whom I call nina. 
     Oscar Robledo, Jr: One of the non-identical twins that my godparents had several years before my parents had me. I believe they are about four years older than me. Up until they got old enough to 'outgrow' kid games, they were my sister and i's playmates whenever our parents got together. any other possible related peers are even older than they are, so we didn't grow up with much inclusion with relatives.
     Michelle Robledo: the other twin, a tiny slip of a thing just like her mom, while her twin brother towers over everyone else.
     Benjamin Alvarez: my mom's brother, my uncle, now divorced sharing custody of his two kids, my younger cousins
     Andrea Alvarez: my cousin, younger by 6 or 7 years. just like oscar&michelle did to my sister and i, we were their playmates at first but as we got older, we grew tired of their company and started playing on their naivetey, terrifying them by pretending to be monsters, etc... andrea is 15 now, in high school and making me feel very old
     Eliseo (Benjamin Jr) Alvarez: the second cousin, younger than me by an even bigger gap, 8 or 9 years i think. he's pretty chill now, but we don't see him as often as Andrea
     Mary Menchaca: My grandmother on my dad's side. She's the kind of grandma who wears bright red lipstick and loves to kiss you on the cheek. She has a slight texan drawl, and she lives on her own in a nice senior center.
   
ok enough family... im sticking to people whose first and last names i can remember. here we go, people in my life starting with elementary school

    Cassandra Fuentes:  My best friend from the womb up until about seventh grade... also my only friend, really. Sometime around 4 or 5th grade she started getting totally dark, pre-teen angst at its worst. she decided it would be interesting to see how long she could make up outrageous lies to tell me before i stopped to consider doubting her. needless to say, this first encounter with senseless malice didn't do anything good for me. i left elementary school with no friends, entered high school with no friends and no experience at making them, since i'd spent most of my life content with the single friend i'd had . She was at the same high school but we didn't exchange a single word until well into my second year there. every now and then, i hear from her via myspace, but beyond that she's never come back into my favor
     Carole Nicholson: the girl who got all of Cassie's attention, which wasn't hard because I had no developed interests in music or anything else, whereas Cassie had been obsessing over the Beastie Boys and Nine Inch Nails and Korn for awhile. They took it upon themselves to educate me, expecting me to listen to the Furious Five at Nine on KROQ   every night and answer questions about it the next day. I hated it. Then Carole introduced me to The Smashing Pumpkins, her favorite band of all time then and now still my fav to this day. She resented my interest though, disdainfully stating that I was doing it just to copy her, and even when I aced every single question on a Pumpkins quiz we played at her sleep-over, she resented it. 
     Ashley "Patti" Marie Cabral: She transferred into our school in the 8th grade. No one really took a liking to her, and when she started tagging along with Cassie Carole and I we didn't give her much attention, but we didn't give her a hard time either. She showed up in time for the fallout between Cassie and I, so I just kind of accepted her company as the only option I had besides wandering around alone. She was more enthusiastic about our friendship than I was, and when high school came around, she and I went our separate ways.... mostly. After the disaster that was my Sophmore year, I ended up being transferred to her high school. But by then she had decided to hate me for various stupid reasons. Fortunately, her group of  friends embraced me and broke me out of my stone cold shell. She and I spent two years together within five feet of each other when we were with our friends.... and we honestly didn't say more than a couple sentences to each other, and then not until the very end of the second year.
      (random people from St.Hilary whose first and last names have stuck)
      Ashley Black - the whitest girl ever
      Amy Duran - bff to ashley black, they were both tiny cheerleaders
      Gilbert Lopez - my first major crush and almost-kind-of boyfriend for about a week in third grade
      Tanya Lopez - a kind-of-sort-of friend, but not until after elementary school, when we met up again in confirmation class
       Eric Gonzalez- the quietest, shiest guy I've ever known and I had a little crush on him when we met up again, in confirmation class. I almost got him to invite me to his Sadie Hawkins' thing. Last I heard from him, he's not even close to the whisper of a thing that I knew him as, but I haven't seen him, even though he only lives a few blocks away from my parents' house in Pico
      Brandon Orona - the guy all the girls had a crush on in elementary school, including me. he was at the high school i spent my junior and senior year at, but he was a pretty-boy jock and we never talked
      Erika Ramirez - Another almost-kinda friend i ran into in confirmation class, she was one of the people who adopted one of the ten puppies my dog had when i was in 6th or 7th grade. she lives right across the street from Eric, but again, I don't see her
      Marcos Rosales - the guy all the girls were friends with in elementary school... if we were a little more world-wise we would have recognized him as the gay man he came out as in high school. he was always goofy, very nice guy to chill with even if you weren't close
      Andrew Aldama - came in at the same time as Patti, no one really paid much attention to them because it was 8th grade, but in high school (also the same one that patti brandon marcos and i attended) he joined the jock squad and was apparently very popular
      Blake Silva - really tall really pale-skinned guy that Tanya had a crush on
      Nydia Palos - the bane of my existence. she came in at third or fourth grade, and for some reason everyone instantly hated her. she was annoying and intrusive, butting into people's circles of conversation uninvited. unless you were terribly blunt with her, she assumed you wanted to befriend her. at the time, Cassie didn't have the heart to be mean, even though she was as annoyed as i was by Nydia's presence. as a result, i became her microphone and Nydia yelled right back at me, refusing to believe that when I said cassie didn't want her around, i was telling the truth. it was the closest thing to bullying i ever did, although with as mean as she got back at me, it wasn't one-sided enough to be considered bullying. haven't seen her since
      john coleman - a cool guy after elementary school, we hung out at church a couple times, as in, we ditched together on occasion but never kept in touch
     
(OK here we go with high school)

   Jane/Allison Molina: the first friend I made in high school, actually she more made friends with me. Out of all the friends I'd make later on, she would be the only one to keep her promise of staying in contact with me after my parents transferred me. We're still friends to this day and she has yet to cause much of any drama in my life, which i love her for
      Sarah Migliorini: the next close friend I made, also a partner in mentally-fucked up crimes, we fell out of contact for awhile due to our parents believing that we  fed off of eachother and worsened our mental states, but once we were legally free of them and had access to our own transportation, we found each other again and are still very close to this day. she just moved back to california from arizona, so we're working on refreshing our friendship
      Robin Villander: a friend of Sarah's I believe. Never got too close to her, & once all the drama surrounding Monica and I happened, she didn't put up much of a fight
      Monica Zamora: my first whirlwind true love, complete with issues and passion and disapproval from my parents once they spied around in my room enough to find out. the distance they tried to put between us caused a huge flare-up, the course of the rift between my parents and i, until i couldn't stand to even brush up against them or hear the sound of their voice without  flinching. In the end, Monica's issues with insecurity and aggression led to a disaster at school that left she and i with a no-contact rule, under threat of expulsion. in a fit of desperation and madness, i convinced myself that monica's idea to show my parents once and for all how much pain they were causing me by displaying it physically on my arms landed me in a mental hospital for over a week, cutting my sophmore year short and leaving me to retake English and Chemistry during the summer before starting at a new high school. I fought my parents determination to keep us apart for awhile, but eventually things disintigrated. On rare occasion we still communicate, but I haven't seen her in almost two years
     
on to cantwell

       Stephanie Calderon: the first real connection I made at cantwell, during summer school when we spent one of two classes together. we connected instantly, on a deeper level than was immediately understood. we bounced back and forth between friends and more-than-friends and not speaking and back again for years... after high school things got bad, we had good reason to hate each other and we did so quite adamantly for about a year...  i took a chance and came clean and in the end, our connection  survived all the negative energy and unspeakable tresspasses. we're stronger than we've ever been now, having come through hell and back with no intentions or reasons for ever going back there again.
     Ligia "Loogie" Salazar - one of the strangest, nicest people I've ever met. she was an innocent, but she made one hell of a friend.
     Kim Fong: forever a thorn in the side of the group, but one they couldn't bring themselves to remove. her severly co-dependent relationship with her much-older boyfriend was a source of tension and dissapointment for everyone. she was book smart, but such an airhaid you wouldnt believe it, with a mane of hair so fried-looking we took to calling her Kimba
     Celia Tse: the smart asian in the group, she was okay to be around, except for when she found out I scored higher than her on the SAT's. she seemed insulted for awhile.
      Sara "Saraha" Perez: too much of a goody-two-shoes smiles&sunshine kind of person for me, she was her parent's pet, even breaking up with her boyfriend because they thought she could do better
      Christina "C-lo" Lopez: someone who could have been a great friend if I hadn't fucked it all up royally in a bout of insanity following the failure of a second chance with Monica... no excuses, she hated me, I hated me, I let her hate me... I still have yet to forgive myself.
       Alejandro Magallanes: boyfriend of mine for nine months. nine months chock full of sexual pressure, unending bickering, and hopeless resistance... lost my virginity to him in a sad and pathetic way... continued to fight a losing battle over sex, even months and months after the break up... i still get sick inside sometimes when i think about it
       Marcos Duenas: a weird fling i had soon after my break up with alex... he was taken at the time. didnt matter to me, i was well on my way back to my path of self-destruction by then
      
after high school

      Luis Barenas: a casual chance-meeting gone horribly, terribly, unforgettably wrong. everything that happened from the day we met to the day he locked me out of his house at 3 am, made me walk myself home and then conspired to persuade my best friend to cease all communication with me, everything that happened during that time i blame on him. drugs, blood, hate, tears, betrayal, abuse, despair...   all made possible by him and his selfish ruthless nature... which i dont deny rubbed off on me in my moments of deepest apathy. still gets me all angry and worked up just thinking about it all. recently, he's been cut out of the picture, which i hope is permanent this time
      Jarrett Wermer: the answer to my years and years of fucked up twisted experiences with relationships and sex.... at least at first. he was a first timer in everything... he never pushed or demanded or assumed... i got to take the lead for once. he was mine to mold... for awhile. drugs destroyed what good chance there might have been for us. i almost died, he continued to use and do nothing to stop the cycle of pressure from parents and inertia... i lost myself in trying to take care of him for him. finding a job that took me miles away from monday through friday gave me a chance to look at the big picture and realize it was destroying me, and stubbornly refusing to recognize it. after two years, i stopped being the cure-all sympathy maker. i packed up and left. he fell apart. now he's in jail for three years for abeting in an armed robbery. 
     Randolph Charles McClellan
            too much to say about the man who helped me save myself, see myself, love myself. i love him, we're due to be married next july.